bree_deedee

Fri, 04 May 2007 14:57:18 GMT

ana take me back. redeem me - i need you.
youre the only consistency in my life. i dont know what else. i dont know who else.
take me back please. take me back.

800 calorie a day
8 6 4 2

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:16:37 GMT

im so lonley. i want love. im a retard.

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 20:22:09 GMT

the goal is to lose 10 pounds in the coming three weeks.

DROP 10 POUNDS
NOW!

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 13:24:28 GMT

there is a reason why you're not losing weight. decide what you want. do you want to be fat or do you want to be skinny?

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 21:38:01 GMT

im not losing weight. somehow my body feels tighter but scale hasnt changed.
i need to to fast for 3 days. i really nee dto cuut my calories to zero. but im a wimp and i end up eating.
but seriously
seriously
it wont work like that. i need to *lose* weight.

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 17:34:43 GMT

im frustrated FAT and dizzy and ..kdsahs jdahguadsfhgvbadsgdjfbahbjgsbhgjg

i dont want to be fat

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 14:20:16 GMT

im so fat. it puts me down. im dying to go for a jog but i have to sit home and study.
im scared im gonna fail.

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 19:42:29 GMT

im fat.
it's so frustrating.
stilll havent lost a thing. i hate my FATNESS. I HATE IT. I DONT WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE. i dont want!

so far today: 2 eggs (240 cals)
a slice of toast (100 cals)

it's 4 pm. im having tea. i have another tea bag. that's abouta ll i have for the day
NOT ALLOWED ANYTHING ELSE! NOT ALLOWED!

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 16:06:38 GMT

today is my 4th day of my skinny diet and im real hungry. not hungry really more like inclined to eat. my body wants to be fed. but i wont feed it. it's only phisical. my mind knows what it wants. it wants skinny.

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 22:32:31 GMT

i dropped off my hair in the mail yesterday. one task that's been postponed around since January. I hope it gives somene hair. i hope they feel pretty when they wear it. im grateful i dont have cancer.
I saw T yesterday as well. i like him.
im lonley
on good news diet is going good. i have no apetite. havent lost yet but will shed plenty soon.
today i had
breakfest earl grey w/ 1 tbl spoon of honey -> 200 calories
lunch-> a plain bagel -> 400 calories
dinner -> nothing - green tea
will keep it at that

yesterday & the day before it i think i did well too. i dont remmember what i ate however. whatever as long as i dont go over 500 calorie a day. five hundred calorie a day. i want to be skinny.

i want to be skinny

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 22:45:22 GMT

I've resisted food all day. well not all day, maybe only once or twice. i got anxious and iw ante dto eat. i get anxious. it's 7:42pm and i plan on having nothing but one third of a bottle of a gatoraid. maybe 200 calories but hopefully less. I'm about to go for a jog armed with a mad desire to be skinny. skinny skinny so skinny.
i wamt to be skinny.
the challenge is to keep up. this is to remind me of how badly i want those jeans to fall off.
think of jeans that fall off.

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 01:48:19 GMT

as i procasinate.. i was going through my last year;s journal
these are a few lines when i was 96 lbs andthought myself obese

"....funny coz that's all i ever asked for. to float like a fetaher ina beautful world and to desapear. i kind of pictured it as a phisical disapearance. and didnt quiet expect to feel it like this. i am disapearing. transparent. i am fading away. bree, you're fading. you're on your way of not existing.
i feel like im submerged under water and everything is distant and fainty. things and people just feel, sound, and look surreal.
i disapear. i dont exist in my body anymore. im just a thought lurking in the air and i follow this pathetic being around. she is very odd. phisically transparent."

i've 'recovered'. some akward story with a horrid jaw infection and.... things ...
im 112 lbs right now

but im dead. no one sees. all i wish for is to feel like i did a year ago. the bitter sweet depression of ana
i miss it. i miss her. i want to float like a feather in a beautful world. to feel disconected. to BE disconcted. detached. high on hunger. weak and fainty and faded.

i cut my calories to 300 a day starting tomorrow

fat failure.

vain

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 00:53:52 GMT

im fat
vain
so vain
cant breathe. i just dont get better.

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 13:34:14 GMT

i shaved my head

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 03:33:48 GMT

i'm horridely lonly tonight.
ana thoughts & emotions are hunting me
but my teeth hurt so much im scared of puking. i need to stop eating. life is a terfying place.

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 03:27:52 GMT

horridly lonley

Fri, 13 May 2005 15:35:30 GMT

i feel i have no privacy to exercise teh way i want. no privacy at all in general.
i want to keep to myself. i dont want anyone to know about anything i do. i want to fall invisible. i really wish i could move out.

Mon, 02 May 2005 00:56:20 GMT

i want to die

Mon, 02 May 2005 00:38:06 GMT

j is hanging around G
he;s geting pussy why would he need me?

i want to curl so small & cry

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 03:52:02 GMT

fading slowly
dying slowly..
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhshhhhh
shhh shhhhh

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 21:57:44 GMT

gotta lose the weight
have to!
have to.

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 18:12:24 GMT

congratulations for fucking up once more.
you've lived up for every shit thing that has everben told about you.
once again
congratulations trash
i hopeyou die soon

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 23:32:22 GMT

i've decided to surrender to ana till death.
haven't eaten in 4 days and will not eata gain till i die.
i dont want to live anymore. there is absloutly nothing to look forward to.
as for now
im gonna go lay down till i die.

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 14:53:16 GMT

im so anxious i think im gonna vomit & die. literarly.
im going to vomit my internal organs.
if i go in studio today (absloutly have to) im going to faint.
i so feel it coming. i'd like to at least have a bite of bread or anything but i havent eaten in a few days & im way way way to upset to even try. mentally & phisically.
i just dont know what to do anymore. i've given ALL i've got & it's not enough. i am not enough. i cant do shit
i should curl somehwee isolated & die curled
i judst want to curl hide & cry.

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 12:39:39 GMT

i just had a dream i was working in some kind of abandoned warehouse(or ld barn or something) & my professor walked in & asked me to show him my work before he grades me & when i did he said it's ot so bad at5 all & was in the middle of talking when this ugly girl i really dont like interrupted to ask a stupid q or something so i yelled at her.
it's stupid
i feel im being punished from god. i feelsinful for every single thing i do ium just eing punished for hating & dispising my classmates. it all shot back at meim so worthlerss. i am such an ultimate piuce of shit
realy
ultimate pice of shit