| Friday, May 4th, 2007 |
| 10:54 am |
ana take me back. redeem me - i need you. youre the only consistency in my life. i dont know what else. i dont know who else. take me back please. take me back. 800 calorie a day 8 6 4 2 Current Mood: awake |
| Friday, August 11th, 2006 |
| 12:16 pm |
im so lonley. i want love. im a retard. |
| Monday, August 7th, 2006 |
| 4:20 pm |
the goal is to lose 10 pounds in the coming three weeks. DROP 10 POUNDS NOW! |
| Saturday, August 5th, 2006 |
| 9:23 am |
there is a reason why you're not losing weight. decide what you want. do you want to be fat or do you want to be skinny? |
| Thursday, August 3rd, 2006 |
| 5:36 pm |
im not losing weight. somehow my body feels tighter but scale hasnt changed. i need to to fast for 3 days. i really nee dto cuut my calories to zero. but im a wimp and i end up eating. but seriously seriously it wont work like that. i need to *lose* weight. |
| Tuesday, August 1st, 2006 |
| 1:33 pm |
im frustrated FAT and dizzy and ..kdsahs jdahguadsfhgvbadsgdjfbahbjgsbhgjg i dont want to be fat |
| 10:18 am |
im so fat. it puts me down. im dying to go for a jog but i have to sit home and study. im scared im gonna fail. |
| Monday, July 31st, 2006 |
| 3:40 pm |
im fat. it's so frustrating. stilll havent lost a thing. i hate my FATNESS. I HATE IT. I DONT WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE. i dont want! so far today: 2 eggs (240 cals) a slice of toast (100 cals) it's 4 pm. im having tea. i have another tea bag. that's abouta ll i have for the day NOT ALLOWED ANYTHING ELSE! NOT ALLOWED! |
| Friday, July 28th, 2006 |
| 12:05 pm |
today is my 4th day of my skinny diet and im real hungry. not hungry really more like inclined to eat. my body wants to be fed. but i wont feed it. it's only phisical. my mind knows what it wants. it wants skinny. |
| Thursday, July 27th, 2006 |
| 6:18 pm |
i dropped off my hair in the mail yesterday. one task that's been postponed around since January. I hope it gives somene hair. i hope they feel pretty when they wear it. im grateful i dont have cancer. I saw T yesterday as well. i like him. im lonley on good news diet is going good. i have no apetite. havent lost yet but will shed plenty soon. today i had breakfest earl grey w/ 1 tbl spoon of honey -> 200 calories lunch-> a plain bagel -> 400 calories dinner -> nothing - green tea will keep it at that yesterday & the day before it i think i did well too. i dont remmember what i ate however. whatever as long as i dont go over 500 calorie a day. five hundred calorie a day. i want to be skinny. |
| Monday, July 24th, 2006 |
| 6:42 pm |
i want to be skinny
I've resisted food all day. well not all day, maybe only once or twice. i got anxious and iw ante dto eat. i get anxious. it's 7:42pm and i plan on having nothing but one third of a bottle of a gatoraid. maybe 200 calories but hopefully less. I'm about to go for a jog armed with a mad desire to be skinny. skinny skinny so skinny. i wamt to be skinny. the challenge is to keep up. this is to remind me of how badly i want those jeans to fall off. think of jeans that fall off. |
| Sunday, March 5th, 2006 |
| 8:43 pm |
as i procasinate.. i was going through my last year;s journal these are a few lines when i was 96 lbs andthought myself obese "....funny coz that's all i ever asked for. to float like a fetaher ina beautful world and to desapear. i kind of pictured it as a phisical disapearance. and didnt quiet expect to feel it like this. i am disapearing. transparent. i am fading away. bree, you're fading. you're on your way of not existing. i feel like im submerged under water and everything is distant and fainty. things and people just feel, sound, and look surreal. i disapear. i dont exist in my body anymore. im just a thought lurking in the air and i follow this pathetic being around. she is very odd. phisically transparent." i've 'recovered'. some akward story with a horrid jaw infection and.... things ... im 112 lbs right now but im dead. no one sees. all i wish for is to feel like i did a year ago. the bitter sweet depression of ana i miss it. i miss her. i want to float like a feather in a beautful world. to feel disconected. to BE disconcted. detached. high on hunger. weak and fainty and faded. i cut my calories to 300 a day starting tomorrow fat failure. |
| Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 |
| 7:53 pm |
vain
im fat vain so vain cant breathe. i just dont get better. |
| Sunday, January 22nd, 2006 |
| 8:33 am |
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| Friday, September 16th, 2005 |
| 11:31 pm |
i'm horridely lonly tonight. ana thoughts & emotions are hunting me but my teeth hurt so much im scared of puking. i need to stop eating. life is a terfying place. |
| 11:25 pm |
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| Friday, May 13th, 2005 |
| 11:34 am |
i feel i have no privacy to exercise teh way i want. no privacy at all in general. i want to keep to myself. i dont want anyone to know about anything i do. i want to fall invisible. i really wish i could move out. |
| Sunday, May 1st, 2005 |
| 8:56 pm |
|
| 8:36 pm |
j is hanging around G he;s geting pussy why would he need me? i want to curl so small & cry |
| Friday, April 22nd, 2005 |
| 11:51 pm |
fading slowly dying slowly.. shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhshhhhh shhh shhhhh Current Mood: still-quietCurrent Music: mellow mood, dj hakim |
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bree_deedee's journal